There are a lot of regrets that people carry with them for, in some cases, the entirety of their lives. I am not saying that everything should be shared with the world; however living with the knowledge that you are responsible for something and not doing anything to fix it can be fatal. In some cases you may even be wrong. How great would that be? Then there are the people who are very much responsible for their regrets, guilt etc. Screw you guys, you dug your hole. Now grab a latter, climb out and join the rest of us in pretending there's nothing wrong. Then there are those of us who are not responsible for the burden we carry, are aware of this, and still carry it. For us, we have two options. Suck it up and smile, or make the world feel bad for us and thrive off of the pity thrown at our feet. Personally, I feel the former is a much safer approach. Then you don't have to deal with the whole 'self-pity isn't healthy' thing. No, heroine is not healthy. Self-pity is a result of too much attention and the need for more, or the complete and total non-existence of said attention.
Recently I had become aware of a situation where I was nothing more than an observer. By this I mean that I was not involved in what was happening and any issues I had were secondary at most. The situation continued and I became increasingly aware that even though I was not directly effected, someone very close to me was. So I decided to rethink my involvement. This was the moment in my life where i stood up and realized that I was doing something terrible, with the best intentions. Intentions that at the moment, I felt were justifiable and there would be no argument from the other end.
Isn't it funny how even though sometimes you can be one hundred and ten percent sure about something and still get dirt kicked in your face. Just like having a pair of aces on the table and just as you begin to float away, a second pair of twos are set down and your luxury flight becomes that unlucky duck hit by the very lucky hunter. Isn't life just one big great slap in the face.
Ehem, so before I so rudely interrupted myself with a tangent none of us really needed to hear. I was saying that the intentions I had laid before myself were being pillaged and raped by the reactions of the person I had set out to liberate from their unknown situation of badness. In the end, my decision led me to crash and burn and ultimately lose a good friend. Although for the moment it is just one, I fear that after some time has lapsed, there will be more.
So I write this in warning for all you impulsive people. Doing the right thing is always bad. When you get the urge to do good. Slap yourself, and smoke weed.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Whether they understand it or not each person has a set list of things they would like to accomplish in their life. This list is edited as time goes on, and eventually you are left with a document littered with check-marks and scribbles, or for those of us with class; white-out. However despite the editing the basic flow never really changes. There are the pipe-dreams, the obvious, the hopes, and of course the 'avoid at all costs'. Being as young as I am the final print of my list has yet to even be drafted. However I have a few things looming around my hope column. One, as I am sure you could have discovered on your own by now, would be to get published one day. I am not exactly trying with all my heart to accomplish that goal seeing as how very little of my writing is finished, even these posts that I leave for you are incomplete. I just write until i start pulling at my hair and gnawing on my arms and legs, and once I draw blood I publish the post. So at this point my writing is not so much to further myself but more to keep myself from becoming deformed, any more than already.
But I always find it interesting to ask people about their dreams and such. The answers are occasionally interesting, although mostly they are just repetitive. An answer that I frequently encounter and one I have grown to hate considerably is; "I don't know, I don't think about these things." ....... This is normally the part where I turn several shades of red and proceed to beat the person in question unmercifully with a phone book, in my head of course.
I suppose it's just me, but I truly believe that a person should have some idea of what they want to establish in their life time. I mean yeah, there are those hidden talents that we don't discover until later on in life, but it's not like everything we do as children and teenagers just leaves us once we enter the real world. Right?
What if, for arguments sake we said that the previous statement was true. How could anyone be productive or successful. We don't just leave college and say, alright time to acquire some skills. What we do is a result of who we are, these things don't just appear. These things are given to us, for the most part, at birth. So stop being nearsighted assholes. Look somewhat to the future, because there's nothing to see in the present that can't be seen in the past.
So for all of you who believe I may some day ask you this question. Think about it. Because the next time I receive an "I don't know" I may very well be carrying a phone book.
But I always find it interesting to ask people about their dreams and such. The answers are occasionally interesting, although mostly they are just repetitive. An answer that I frequently encounter and one I have grown to hate considerably is; "I don't know, I don't think about these things." ....... This is normally the part where I turn several shades of red and proceed to beat the person in question unmercifully with a phone book, in my head of course.
I suppose it's just me, but I truly believe that a person should have some idea of what they want to establish in their life time. I mean yeah, there are those hidden talents that we don't discover until later on in life, but it's not like everything we do as children and teenagers just leaves us once we enter the real world. Right?
What if, for arguments sake we said that the previous statement was true. How could anyone be productive or successful. We don't just leave college and say, alright time to acquire some skills. What we do is a result of who we are, these things don't just appear. These things are given to us, for the most part, at birth. So stop being nearsighted assholes. Look somewhat to the future, because there's nothing to see in the present that can't be seen in the past.
So for all of you who believe I may some day ask you this question. Think about it. Because the next time I receive an "I don't know" I may very well be carrying a phone book.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Inner strength has always been a tell tale sign of a true hero. Of course there are those who think that a hero is someone with a gun, gigantic muscles and the desire to shoot and punch anything within range. And although some of these things might be helpful in a heroic situation, i am speaking on a more profound level. And the previous description doesn't really make it much farther than the surface.
I would define a hero as someone who restores hope to a people. I would say someone children want to grow up to be, but in most cases that is usually a princess or a super spy. So no. Although princess's are really hot. And super spy's, well they're cool. but since neither are real in the way we and Hollywood portray them, they don't really help express my point.
So I would say that a true hero is someone more towards the Martin Luther King Jr. area. Or Gandhi. Not the one that lives in North Andover and hangs out with me, the skinny, peaceful one with glasses.
These people are able to stand in the face of hatred and fear and say no. They provided a voice to the silenced. They truly believed that no matter what was done to them or their people, no matter what happened, they were still victorious in their efforts. And that is what made them heroes.
Now Play some of that inspirational yet climactic montage music and read that part again. it really portrays it nicely.
This post really doesn't have a point, but it was saved in my drafts and I and against the deleting of ideas. So enjoy my trash. And as always, if you don't like it, don't read it. If I was doing this for you every post would just be a giant picture of you wearing a helmet and licking windows.
I would define a hero as someone who restores hope to a people. I would say someone children want to grow up to be, but in most cases that is usually a princess or a super spy. So no. Although princess's are really hot. And super spy's, well they're cool. but since neither are real in the way we and Hollywood portray them, they don't really help express my point.
So I would say that a true hero is someone more towards the Martin Luther King Jr. area. Or Gandhi. Not the one that lives in North Andover and hangs out with me, the skinny, peaceful one with glasses.
These people are able to stand in the face of hatred and fear and say no. They provided a voice to the silenced. They truly believed that no matter what was done to them or their people, no matter what happened, they were still victorious in their efforts. And that is what made them heroes.
Now Play some of that inspirational yet climactic montage music and read that part again. it really portrays it nicely.
This post really doesn't have a point, but it was saved in my drafts and I and against the deleting of ideas. So enjoy my trash. And as always, if you don't like it, don't read it. If I was doing this for you every post would just be a giant picture of you wearing a helmet and licking windows.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I have decided to continue writing the angry letters due to the various forms of enjoyment expressed to me from my readers. However today I am going to mix it up a bit. On the drive home from work today I was thinking about a different form of letter I have been thinking about writing. It is completely serious and I promise not to make any cynical or sarcastic comments throughout the letter. This is something i take very seriously. If you will, use your imagination and read the letter as if it were being read by a young girl. For the effect to make sense. I hope you enjoy it.
Dear Santa,
I know it isn't Christmas time yet but since I have been good all year I was thinking it would be OK for me to write to you now. I know I ask for presents every year and I know you try really hard to make them for me and all the other children with the elves. But this year I want something else. And I want you to read this letter first before everyone else's because it's a tuffy. I am really scared Santa and I know that if anyone can help me it's you.
Mommy and Daddy fight all the time and I think you should fix that first. Mommy says that if Mr. Obamma becomes president that we wont be able to live in our house anymore cuz he wants too much money from us. But daddy says that if Mr. Mccain becomes the president that he will lose his job to the 'Wet Backs'. I don't know who they are but I don't like it when daddy talks about them. Today mommy told me that daddy was going to live with Uncle Mike for a while because him and mommy had a fight and Uncle Mike was gunna make things better. I know that she wasn't telling the truth cuz she was crying, and mommy fibs when she cries.
I don't know what to do Santa. Mommy says we can't go to the park a lot cuz it's too expensive to drive. And daddy wont play with me at Uncle Mikes cuz he has to do work at home now too. He said his boss didn't have enough money for all of Daddy's work friends, so daddy is doing their work for them to save his boss some money. Santa mommy and daddy haven't been very nice to each other. they keep telling me everything will be OK, but I can hear mommy crying at night. And daddy drinks his smelly juice more than he used to. He yells at mommy over the phone a lot, and yesterday he yelled at me too. Santa I didn't want to cry when daddy yelled but i had to. So Santa what I really want for Christmas this year is this. I want you to make mommy and daddy happy again. So first you have to make daddy's job easier and give his friends their jobs back. then you have to tell Mr. Obamma that mommy and daddy cant afford to pay for his taxes. And then you need to tell Mr. Mccain that those people with wet backs that daddy doesn't like, can't have his job and Mr. Mccain needs to make them go back to their homes. And finally you have to make mommy's car not spend so much gas when we drive, or you could make the gas people ask for less money.
Santa all these people are making mommy and daddy not happy and I don't like it. So will you please help me Santa. I don't want mommy and daddy to fight anymore. Can you make all these bad things go away so my parents will love me again?
Love, Hope
Dear Santa,
I know it isn't Christmas time yet but since I have been good all year I was thinking it would be OK for me to write to you now. I know I ask for presents every year and I know you try really hard to make them for me and all the other children with the elves. But this year I want something else. And I want you to read this letter first before everyone else's because it's a tuffy. I am really scared Santa and I know that if anyone can help me it's you.
Mommy and Daddy fight all the time and I think you should fix that first. Mommy says that if Mr. Obamma becomes president that we wont be able to live in our house anymore cuz he wants too much money from us. But daddy says that if Mr. Mccain becomes the president that he will lose his job to the 'Wet Backs'. I don't know who they are but I don't like it when daddy talks about them. Today mommy told me that daddy was going to live with Uncle Mike for a while because him and mommy had a fight and Uncle Mike was gunna make things better. I know that she wasn't telling the truth cuz she was crying, and mommy fibs when she cries.
I don't know what to do Santa. Mommy says we can't go to the park a lot cuz it's too expensive to drive. And daddy wont play with me at Uncle Mikes cuz he has to do work at home now too. He said his boss didn't have enough money for all of Daddy's work friends, so daddy is doing their work for them to save his boss some money. Santa mommy and daddy haven't been very nice to each other. they keep telling me everything will be OK, but I can hear mommy crying at night. And daddy drinks his smelly juice more than he used to. He yells at mommy over the phone a lot, and yesterday he yelled at me too. Santa I didn't want to cry when daddy yelled but i had to. So Santa what I really want for Christmas this year is this. I want you to make mommy and daddy happy again. So first you have to make daddy's job easier and give his friends their jobs back. then you have to tell Mr. Obamma that mommy and daddy cant afford to pay for his taxes. And then you need to tell Mr. Mccain that those people with wet backs that daddy doesn't like, can't have his job and Mr. Mccain needs to make them go back to their homes. And finally you have to make mommy's car not spend so much gas when we drive, or you could make the gas people ask for less money.
Santa all these people are making mommy and daddy not happy and I don't like it. So will you please help me Santa. I don't want mommy and daddy to fight anymore. Can you make all these bad things go away so my parents will love me again?
Love, Hope
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Shameful
For all of you out there sitting at home ready and willing to just drop Tom Brady and move on to Matt Cassell like the sheep you are, I have something to say to you. May death come swiftly. For you are turning your backs on the next messiah. You are leaving behind your faith, your hope and your love for all that is good in this world. And trust me, when this world goes to shit and goes descends from heaven to tell us that only those faithful to the all powerful TB will be accepted, you wont be so eager to turn your backs then, will you sheep? But know this my conformist friends, Every morning our great leader wakes up to the sounds of angels singing, drinks the blood of his enemies and eats pure awesome. But that is not all, his morning constitution is composed of the chemical equivalent of...... what other teams are made of. You may now see him as that guy who used to be the greatest quarter back that ever lived. But you my friends, are wrong. And remember, no matter what happens, no matter what you think and no matter what you see. When the time comes for us to be delivered to our maker, Those of us loyal to the divine Tom Brady will be rewarded, and you... sheep will be lost to the void. Do not forget these words. Sheep.
Seeing as how the angry letters worked so well in their debut i have decided to try them again and see if a return appearance works just as well. If so I am thinking about making them a weekly event. While also, of course, complaining and moaning about how stupid people are. So here is a second set of letters I have composed. However these were written for my own pleasure as opposed for that of someone else.
Dear Gas executives,
First of all I would like to say that I wish very strongly each and every one of you rendered impotent in some horrific chemical accident, of course involving the very gas that has made you bastards rich. Like a very destructive irony. There are not words that can describe the happiness something like that would bring me. My reason for sending you this letter was not, in fact, to write the very vulgar and emotionally agonizing words you so greatly deserve. And even though I have smeared toxic and terribly brutal poisons all over this letter in an attempt to kill you, that is merely a secondary objective. The primary reason for my sending this letter was to pitch a new advertisement idea in which all of the gas companies across the world come together. Imagine, if you will, men standing around a solitary woman in a makeshift circle. Each of the men is wearing a black polo, each bearing the logo of a different companies name. And the woman is wearing a white t-shirt with the word "consumer" written across the chest. She then says politely; "excuse me, I am rather hungry and quite thirsty, do you think you maybe could spare some food and if it's not too much trouble something to drink?" And all at once the men standing around her viciously kick the woman until she is unable to move, take her jewelery, purse, and all other belongings and leave her for dead. I think it is a brilliant idea and I think it portrays your methods very accurately. Take some time to think it over and if any of you remain alive after the poison sets in, please contact me to express your opinion on the matter. Thank you very much.
Sincerely, the harbinger of your doom
Dear America On-Line
I would like you to know that you are doing a great job with keeping people in touch with each other. I use your product often and I have to say that my amount of complaints is minimal. And for those who know me that is not something experienced often by me. However i do have one thing i would like to say to you. What the hell were you thinking with the god damned smileys ass-holes? Are they really necessary? And even on the rare occasion that someone does use them, do you really think they get the job done? Lets take a look at the emotional range of smileys you pricks thought would be useful. For starters we have the winking smiley. i have never felt so uncomfortable in my life as I did when i received one of those. I have never been raped, but thanks to you guys a have a pretty good idea of what it's like. Next we have the crying smiley. Honestly i think this one is a result of getting too close to the winking smiley. Next we have the blushing smiley. What the hell is wrong with this one? It looks like it is sitting on a dryer. Jesus people kids are using these things. You are the people responsible for 13 year old girls starting pregnancy cults. After that we have the happy smiley. This one looks like it just snorted an ounce of Valium, coke, red bull and fun dip. And people wonder where kids learn about drugs. Hidden messages anyone? And finally, since I honestly can't remember anymore not that I think I want to, we have the 'ooh' smiley. Unless i am mistaken that is the universal sign for, "I have no gag reflex". You people make me sick. So go home, think about how much you suck, come back to work, design a more refined group of smileys, and god dammit make a wider variety. There are more then 6 emotions people.
Sincerely, Someone with nothing better to do
Dear Math
First and foremost, stop being such a little bitch. There is no reason you have to be this hard. And honestly, I think it's time to get over the fact that 9 times out of 10, no one is ever going to use you once they leave school. It is just a fact of life. And also, stop making shit up. X will never be larger than any number, want to know why? X isn't a god damned number. You just couldn't get over the fact that you suck, you made a deal with English and now you are making letters into numbers. Well i got news for you jackass, I'm not buying it, so pack up, get on a train going 35 miles an hour to Shut the hell up and figure out how the hell long it will take you to get there ass hole. No one will ever love you as much as lunch, just accept it.
Sincerely, Everyone
Dear Gas executives,
First of all I would like to say that I wish very strongly each and every one of you rendered impotent in some horrific chemical accident, of course involving the very gas that has made you bastards rich. Like a very destructive irony. There are not words that can describe the happiness something like that would bring me. My reason for sending you this letter was not, in fact, to write the very vulgar and emotionally agonizing words you so greatly deserve. And even though I have smeared toxic and terribly brutal poisons all over this letter in an attempt to kill you, that is merely a secondary objective. The primary reason for my sending this letter was to pitch a new advertisement idea in which all of the gas companies across the world come together. Imagine, if you will, men standing around a solitary woman in a makeshift circle. Each of the men is wearing a black polo, each bearing the logo of a different companies name. And the woman is wearing a white t-shirt with the word "consumer" written across the chest. She then says politely; "excuse me, I am rather hungry and quite thirsty, do you think you maybe could spare some food and if it's not too much trouble something to drink?" And all at once the men standing around her viciously kick the woman until she is unable to move, take her jewelery, purse, and all other belongings and leave her for dead. I think it is a brilliant idea and I think it portrays your methods very accurately. Take some time to think it over and if any of you remain alive after the poison sets in, please contact me to express your opinion on the matter. Thank you very much.
Sincerely, the harbinger of your doom
Dear America On-Line
I would like you to know that you are doing a great job with keeping people in touch with each other. I use your product often and I have to say that my amount of complaints is minimal. And for those who know me that is not something experienced often by me. However i do have one thing i would like to say to you. What the hell were you thinking with the god damned smileys ass-holes? Are they really necessary? And even on the rare occasion that someone does use them, do you really think they get the job done? Lets take a look at the emotional range of smileys you pricks thought would be useful. For starters we have the winking smiley. i have never felt so uncomfortable in my life as I did when i received one of those. I have never been raped, but thanks to you guys a have a pretty good idea of what it's like. Next we have the crying smiley. Honestly i think this one is a result of getting too close to the winking smiley. Next we have the blushing smiley. What the hell is wrong with this one? It looks like it is sitting on a dryer. Jesus people kids are using these things. You are the people responsible for 13 year old girls starting pregnancy cults. After that we have the happy smiley. This one looks like it just snorted an ounce of Valium, coke, red bull and fun dip. And people wonder where kids learn about drugs. Hidden messages anyone? And finally, since I honestly can't remember anymore not that I think I want to, we have the 'ooh' smiley. Unless i am mistaken that is the universal sign for, "I have no gag reflex". You people make me sick. So go home, think about how much you suck, come back to work, design a more refined group of smileys, and god dammit make a wider variety. There are more then 6 emotions people.
Sincerely, Someone with nothing better to do
Dear Math
First and foremost, stop being such a little bitch. There is no reason you have to be this hard. And honestly, I think it's time to get over the fact that 9 times out of 10, no one is ever going to use you once they leave school. It is just a fact of life. And also, stop making shit up. X will never be larger than any number, want to know why? X isn't a god damned number. You just couldn't get over the fact that you suck, you made a deal with English and now you are making letters into numbers. Well i got news for you jackass, I'm not buying it, so pack up, get on a train going 35 miles an hour to Shut the hell up and figure out how the hell long it will take you to get there ass hole. No one will ever love you as much as lunch, just accept it.
Sincerely, Everyone
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Angry Letters
Some time ago I was with a friend who was down on her luck and in an attempt to cheer her up and resolve her problem I vowed to write her a series of angry letters with a comedic undertone, posing as her of course. These letters weren't going to be sent anywhere, just to be shared between the two of us. So i finally got around to writing them and was so proud of my work that I decided to share them with whoever felt they could take time out of their 'incredibly busy' day, selfish pricks. So here they are. There are three. And remember I am very proud of them and if you don't enjoy them then you can die, or just not read my blog of the former doesn't fit into your very busy life. Jerks.
Dear Nazi’s…. I mean Gatorade
I have recently come to the conclusion that you have felt it necessary to discontinue a certain flavor of your sports drink. Seeing as how you probably discontinue dreams… I am sorry, flavors all to often you most assuredly do not know of which I am referring. But seeing as how every moment I think about you and your company I get ill I will make this quick and get to the point. The flavor you Discontinued was titled Green Apple. A heavenly flavor with the bitter fore taste and the immediate sugary sensation all relative to the most popular fruit there is, apples. I apologize for speaking down to you I just have the feeling that since you are unable to recognize and decent flavor that you may be mentally handicapped. If I am wrong I am afraid my utter disgust for you will not permit me to apologize. If I am right, however, I am afraid all I can say is, ha hahaha haha ha ha ha. So if you are going to take anything away from this letter let it be this. I hope you all are left void of your loins and develop serious and painful illnesses resulting in either death or physical deformity. That is all, burn in hell.
Sincerely, A disgruntled and dangerous consumer
Dear Ben and merely by association, Jerry,
It has come to my attention that you no longer produce the flavor Bovinity Divinity. On your website in your “flavor graveyard” section which was so blandly and obnoxiously named, probably by Jerry. I found your “crypt” in which you list your relinquished flavors and read the ‘eulogy’ for this divine flavor. It was there that you wrote and I quote “was it too sweet or were those little cows simply too cute to eat?” I must say that you both should be ashamed of yourselves for hiring whatever hack writer to compile such a horrid attempt at humor. Ben, I have always found you attractive and to be an all around wonderful person. So it is with a heavy heart that I must say you disgust me I fear that from this point forward I may get sick whenever I think of you. Jerry, I can’t say I am surprised and quite simply I expected no less from a low-life like yourself. I think that it is safe to say that I will never be purchasing another pint, quart or any measurement of you ice cream again, and under the circumstances I think you can for all intents and purposes, eat shit and die.
Thank you for hearing my complaint, a dissatisfied and now former customer
Dear Eric,
I am writing to inform you that due to your lack of sensitivity and caring towards me during my time of weakness, also known as prom season, I have called the Mexican government and informed them of your whereabouts letting them know that you are in this country illegally. They, in turn, have contacted your local citizenship authorities and INS agents will be intercepting you soon. They will then take you to the Mexican border where the US border patrol will escort you to the nearest prison where you will spend a rather large amount of time having eaten several babies in your homeland on top of 3 counts of ‘being a dick’. Just so you are aware you will be subjected to serious amounts of anal penetration by men who will be staring at you hungrily from the moment you arrive at the prison. And for the record had you done the right thing or better yet, the human thing, I very well may have rocked your wild after prom exposing you to pleasures you may never experience elsewhere in life. However since you decided to be a gigantic penis face I believe that you will walk the streets of Mexico never knowing what a real woman can do to you in bed aside from what your local array of female animals can provide you with. Have a wonderful life, and don’t forget that my vagina was probably the only human one you may have ever come into contact with. Enjoy fucking goats, burn in hell.
Most angrily and with immense hatred, the girl that would have ridden you like a baboon in heat, dick weed
Dear Nazi’s…. I mean Gatorade
I have recently come to the conclusion that you have felt it necessary to discontinue a certain flavor of your sports drink. Seeing as how you probably discontinue dreams… I am sorry, flavors all to often you most assuredly do not know of which I am referring. But seeing as how every moment I think about you and your company I get ill I will make this quick and get to the point. The flavor you Discontinued was titled Green Apple. A heavenly flavor with the bitter fore taste and the immediate sugary sensation all relative to the most popular fruit there is, apples. I apologize for speaking down to you I just have the feeling that since you are unable to recognize and decent flavor that you may be mentally handicapped. If I am wrong I am afraid my utter disgust for you will not permit me to apologize. If I am right, however, I am afraid all I can say is, ha hahaha haha ha ha ha. So if you are going to take anything away from this letter let it be this. I hope you all are left void of your loins and develop serious and painful illnesses resulting in either death or physical deformity. That is all, burn in hell.
Sincerely, A disgruntled and dangerous consumer
Dear Ben and merely by association, Jerry,
It has come to my attention that you no longer produce the flavor Bovinity Divinity. On your website in your “flavor graveyard” section which was so blandly and obnoxiously named, probably by Jerry. I found your “crypt” in which you list your relinquished flavors and read the ‘eulogy’ for this divine flavor. It was there that you wrote and I quote “was it too sweet or were those little cows simply too cute to eat?” I must say that you both should be ashamed of yourselves for hiring whatever hack writer to compile such a horrid attempt at humor. Ben, I have always found you attractive and to be an all around wonderful person. So it is with a heavy heart that I must say you disgust me I fear that from this point forward I may get sick whenever I think of you. Jerry, I can’t say I am surprised and quite simply I expected no less from a low-life like yourself. I think that it is safe to say that I will never be purchasing another pint, quart or any measurement of you ice cream again, and under the circumstances I think you can for all intents and purposes, eat shit and die.
Thank you for hearing my complaint, a dissatisfied and now former customer
Dear Eric,
I am writing to inform you that due to your lack of sensitivity and caring towards me during my time of weakness, also known as prom season, I have called the Mexican government and informed them of your whereabouts letting them know that you are in this country illegally. They, in turn, have contacted your local citizenship authorities and INS agents will be intercepting you soon. They will then take you to the Mexican border where the US border patrol will escort you to the nearest prison where you will spend a rather large amount of time having eaten several babies in your homeland on top of 3 counts of ‘being a dick’. Just so you are aware you will be subjected to serious amounts of anal penetration by men who will be staring at you hungrily from the moment you arrive at the prison. And for the record had you done the right thing or better yet, the human thing, I very well may have rocked your wild after prom exposing you to pleasures you may never experience elsewhere in life. However since you decided to be a gigantic penis face I believe that you will walk the streets of Mexico never knowing what a real woman can do to you in bed aside from what your local array of female animals can provide you with. Have a wonderful life, and don’t forget that my vagina was probably the only human one you may have ever come into contact with. Enjoy fucking goats, burn in hell.
Most angrily and with immense hatred, the girl that would have ridden you like a baboon in heat, dick weed
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