Life Lesson #1

Looking back on everything I have experienced in my small portion of a lifetime I think I have had my fair share of experiences, as far as being 20 goes. I would certainly say that I have fallen a lot more than most, and would certainly not do it the same again. Although without my failures I would never have found some great friends and weeded out some not so great ones. Despite my regrets, which I have quite a few of, I think that I will look back and smile at these days when I am old and my kids ask me why I'm such a miserable prick; if I haven't killed them yet.

What I mean to say with all of this irrelevant pansy non sense is that people all too often seem to remember the bad and let it deteriorate their lives. I don't think this is a good way to live at all. i have always believed that no matter what, you always need to look back with a smile. I still believe that despite my life choices. I may have made things a lot harder for myself in the long run, but that only means I will work harder to get what i want and i will be better for it in the end.

Making the right choices and being a responsible person is what everyone wants to be seen as. However, without kicking up some dust you wont know to close your eyes when it comes. What that means, for those of you too incompetent or 'well off' to understand, if you don't get into trouble every once in a while you are going to fall to pieces later on in life when something goes wrong. Just like everything else in life, you need some practice getting in trouble so you don't cry when you're forty and your boss finds out you weren't really sick last Monday when you called in and were on the big screen of the Sox game that same day. That would just be sad, and he would probably have to fire you just on principle.

This does not mean, of course, that you need to blow up a cop car and steal a baby just so you can be productive in the work place. But some mischief is expected of us and without it there's a certain emptiness we feel in its absence. So for those of you without a bad ass asterisk on your resume for life. Grab some eggs and a Hilary Clinton mask, leave them on your porch for a couple of weeks, get in your car and drive to your bosses house.

WARNING THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS GRAPHIC. THOSE IN THE AUDIENCE WITH AN INSUFFICIENT AMOUNT OF METAPHORICAL TESTICLES OR AN OVER-ABUNDANCE OF MATURITY SHOULD READ CAREFULLY AND LEARN SOMETHING.

Now, when you arrive at your bosses house there are three things you need to do. They are risky, but the end of result is usually worth it. First, yell something obscene pertaining to your bosses lack of sexual adequacy(for Male bosses only) or there is always the old fail safe of "This is for leaving you miserable whore."(for highest humor response be sure to be same sex as boss). After this proceed to throw the eggs at and around the house and do not neglect the front door. It is essential that you make sure when visitors come they smell your mark. Now once this is done people will most likely be awake and watching. After a substantial amount of people are watching be sure to moon your employers house and immediately run like hell towards your car for the police have most assuredly been called and you will not do well in prison.

This concludes our bad-ass lesson for today. I hope you have found this helpful and please refrain from asking me questions. I have little to no desire to speak to you.